NOTES FROM THE CULTURE VULTURE - Tuesday, March 31, 2009

[Culture Vulture]

That Penis Thing

Community theatre has enjoyed a long and varied tradition around this southern shoreline. Since well before the turn of the century, dedicated groups from our coastal communities have been putting on amateur productions and semi-professional performances in a wide range of theatrical traditions. Many players and actors have gone on to professional careers after catching the bug in church basement productions and other freebie, star-for-a-day extravaganzas.
Part of the tradition of community theatre is its benevolent function as a fundraising vehicle for improvements to community groups, like local churches and specific service organizations, like food banks and volunteer fire departments.
One such amateur theatre group, The Now for Something Completely Different Players out of Mahone Bay (made up of several members of The South Shore Players), was founded just this year. They are presenting their first ever production, an original play written by Dave Brumwell and directed by Sherry Dean, called That Penis Thing. If your That Shocked Thing can’t guess what it’s about, you need to have a long overdue chat with your parents or your urologist.
This 90 minute, Monty Python-esque series of comedic skits centers around all things penal. The ever-eager arbiter of pleasure and reproduction. Both men and women on stage telling it like it really is, exposing the gleeful tidbits we all knew about the big banana but dared not reveal in public. Until now. You know, silly stuff about men and their wobbly bits, coming to a fire hall near you.
According to the email press release, this play noodles with the following sub-topics: “Masturbation. Non-Erection. Size does count. Impotency. Sperm matters. Priapism [persistent painful erection]. Premature ejaculation. Male bonding and mickey taking. Lack of, or copious amounts of pubic hair. Testosterone poisoning. S.T.Ds. Depressed Penis. Mr. Penis and Ms. Vagina. Names for Penis. Sperm Bank. Vasectomy. Plus many more.” Hmmmm. Interesting. Maybe it’s not entirely suitable for the Church Ladies Guild. But then again, maybe it’s entirely suitable for the Church Ladies Guild. Like everything, it depends upon your sense of humour.
That Penis Thing is intended to be inoffensive yet hilarious adult satire, with half the box office returns going to the volunteer fire departments we rely upon to keep us safe in emergencies. Firefighters are always in need to funds to upgrade equipment, train volunteers and – I dunno – do whatever they do when we need them to do it in a big bad hurry.
For better bang for their buck, maybe The Now for Something Completely Different Players should call their inaugural production That Fireman Penis Thing. They could put a cute, buff fireman holding a long water hose on the poster. That’s sure to get the hormone replacement therapy rat pack out in droves, as most women of a certain age have a thing for sexy firemen. Could it be a love for the smell of moldy, water-damaged kitchens or just a deep-rooted rescue fantasy?
If you’re still not sure, think of it this way: the penis is just another subject that’s more than ripe for satire. Imagine the 8 year-old girl’s equivalent fixation on her toy Barbie, and the comedy topics to be found therein: Frizzy hair management. New wardrobe shopping addiction. Perma-heel foot massage. Wedding-gown tearing exhalation techniques. Synthetic hormones for 50 year-old dolls. Decapitation trauma relief. And so on. We’ve all seen Barbies. And most of us have seen penises, so no false modesty, dear readers.
That Penis Thing is all about the performers who love creating theatre, putting on a play for the simple thrill of doing it. Writer Dave Brumwell and his unexposed penis (I only spoke to Dave on the phone but he didn’t sound like a eunuch), as well as local firefighters and paramedics are also in the cast. That Penis Thing is sure to be a memorable night of laughs, whether you’re a firefighter, married to one, have survived a house fire or hope never to encounter one.
Community fundraisers don’t serve their purpose unless the communities get out to support them. So bring your Barbie. Bring your favourite penis or leave it at home but don’t be shy. One thing we know for sure about the penis is that, as hard as it tries, its bark is worse that its bite. That said, this show is not intended for minors or the faint of heart.
(The Players are still looking for more show bookings, at fire halls or other community centres. All shows are set up as a no cost venture for your venue/charity, with a 50/50 split on box office returns. Individual tickets to be sold in advance and at the door. Phone ahead to individual venues for tickets.)
Confirmed dates/ advance ticket purchase:
Martins River Fire Hall. Sat April 4th 2009.
Contact: Cathy Boehner 627-1188.
Days Inn, Bridgewater. Fri April 17th. 2009.
Contact: Carol Rock 527-2868
Conqueral Bank Fire Hall, Sat April 18th. 2009
Contact: Tammy Crawford 543-1948
Mahone Bay Centre, Fri May 1st. 2009.
Contact: Bob Douglas 624-9921
Blockhouse Fire Hall, Sat May 2nd. 2009.
Contact: Paula MacDonald 624-8993
Petite Riviere Fire Hall, Sat May 30th. 2009.
Contact: Scott Drummond 688-1504
For booking the play or for all other information, contact:
Dave Brumwell at 624.1924 or [e-mail]
Sherry Dean at 531.2314 or [e-mail]
Lyne Hoeg at 644.2823 or [e-mail]

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